I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize