I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
