Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
