The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
