If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
