god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
