hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
