If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
