i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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