Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
