I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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