Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My dick has a subreddit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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