Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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