its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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