Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
