Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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