I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
