how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
