He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
