Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize