I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
