I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
