A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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