wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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