she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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