u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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