you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
