does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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