I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize