im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
