the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
