Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
