i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
