...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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