Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
