You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
