best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
