If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
