While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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