I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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