His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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