im holly from the hills drunk
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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