At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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