Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i came on her dog
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
