sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
