saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
