she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
