I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
