What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
