i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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