So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
