Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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