playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize