I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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