your parents love me but you hate me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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