If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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