she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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