The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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