dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
