We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
