All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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