Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dicks are not precious.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
