If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
