He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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