That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
