guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
