Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have fence marks all over my body
not ubering you a puppy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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