it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
