I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
