Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
BRING THE BAGELS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
