never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
