420 ftw
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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