I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
